College Student Safety

I’m very concerned by the lack of personal safety information for college students.  In a recent search, I found dozens of products meant to make a lot of noise to prevent burglary or personal assault.  While these options are nice to have as a last resort and to get the attention of potential witnesses to a crime, they are not always effective at preventing the crime itself.  That simple personal alarm does not stop a rape or attack from happening.  It merely draws attention to it.  Same goes for dorm or apartment alarms.  Your belongings might still get lifted, regardless of how loud the alarm is or who saw the theft occur.  While there are plenty of products on the market, I’m going to avoid suggesting you purchase any of them.  If they will make you feel safer, fine, but realize that that safety is an illusion.  That personal alarm will not turn into an attack dog the moment you push it.  And like all technology, it is fallible.  Personally, I’d go with the old standby of just screaming.  You can also consider using a whistle.  Here are some things to keep in mind to truly keep you safe as you further your education and go about your day-to-day.

·         Many colleges have emergency buttons and/or telephones in obvious places across the campus.  Know where these are and hit one if it’s convenient to do so, but keep in mind that just like the personal alarm, it won’t instantly transport you to safety.  Police will take several minutes to respond.  More importantly, know the area and where any safe public places are (and when they are open) in case of emergency.  Carrying a cell phone with important numbers on speed dial is also a fantastic idea.

·         Use the buddy system.  Walk with a friend wherever you go, particularly at night.  It’s best not to walk at night at all, but in the interest of being realistic, I’m suggesting the buddy system.  It makes you less of a target if there are at least two of you, and that’s an extra brain on your side should things turn foul.  Try to stay in well lit areas when walking, and avoid parking in isolated areas.

·         Use God’s gifts of Awareness and Intuition (see previous posts)

·         Tell someone where you are going and what your schedule is like.  If something does happen, it will be more helpful to search efforts to know the route you had planned to take.  This includes classes, work, and dates!

·         Keep doors and windows locked.  We’re talking car and living quarters.  Sort of obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people ignore basic safety precautions.

·         Take a self defense class.  It is extremely important to know how to deliver effective strikes and to know a good block or two.  Get your friends in on it too.  Oftentimes, university police or another organization on campus or nearby offers a class.

·         Don’t accept drinks from anyone, especially drinks that are not sealed with a cap. 

·         Don’t bother with pepper spray.  Surprised?  Pepper spray is a fantastic product and is an effective defense tool…if used correctly.  Many people have it on their key chain and have no idea how to use it.  Unless you have it open in your hand, in a ready position, it is unlikely an attacker will give you time to dig it out and use it.  As a note, key chain pepper sprays are usually a single use deal as well, so if you miss the first time, you had better have a backup plan!

·         Don’t constantly share where you are or where you plan to be on social media.  Sure, it’s a good idea for someone to know, but do you really feel comfortable with everyone on your friends list knowing where you’ll be tonight? 

Until next time, folks, stay safe.  Stay smart. 

Intuition

If you read my post on awareness, you'll know that I said awareness was the second most important gift you have to yourself safe.  The most important gift is your inner voice, your intuition.  That little voice that tells you something just isn't quite right.  What gives you a crawly feeling on the back of your neck?  Intuition.  That feeling is a gift from God to keep you safe.  It is your first line of defense in a potentially nasty situation. 

Everyone has had a moment where they were certain who was on the other end of an unanswered telephone.  You aren't suddenly psychic, though it might certainly seem that way to an observer.  Maybe you know your mother always calls on Thursdays, or at that time in the afternoon.  Perhaps your sister just got a promotion at work that you heard about and were certain she'd want to share the news, or your cousin is approaching her due date so you know it to be her husband calling to say they had the baby.  Something in your subconscious made the link faster than your logical mind could follow and suddenly you knew who it was.

True fear is a gift that comes straight from intuition.  In my recommended reading column to the left of this blog, I recommend Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear."  In that book, he shares a story about a woman named Kelly who didn't listen to her intuition.  Kelly has groceries and obviously has her hands full.  She heads up the steps to her apartment building, noticing the door had been left open again.  "Stupid neighbors.  That's not safe!  Anyone could just come in!"  As she comes in, she latches the door behind her. 

Kelly heads up the four flights of stairs to her apartment with her heavy burden of groceries.  She doesn't manage to make it all the way up before one of her bags predictably gives out, and cat food cans go rolling everywhere.  A charming man's voice calls that he can bring up a wayward can.  She gets this feeling, this little spark of something telling her that she just does not like this guy's voice.  When the man rounds the corner, he's friendly-looking and is picking up her dropped cans.  He offers to help her carry the groceries up to her apartment.  She refuses multiple times, but he is insistent.  He claims he is also going up to the fourth floor and is running late due to a broken watch.  He implies that she is being too proud, and she finally allows the man to help carry her groceries up to her apartment.  "We better hurry," he says, "We've got a hungry cat up there!" 

She's still feeling apprehensive of the man, but she shakes it off and scolds herself.  He's so nice!  And he's only trying to help.  After arriving at her apartment, she thanks him and tries to take the groceries from him, but he refuses to allow her to take them, instead saying he didn't want her to drop the cans again and he would just sit them inside and be on his way.  She hesitates (who wouldn't?), and she laughs, saying, "Hey, we can leave the door open like ladies do in old movies. I'll just put this stuff down and go. I promise."  She gives in, he doesn't leave, and she becomes his victim. 

After raping her, he gets up from the bed, gets dressed, and closes the window.  He starts glancing at his watch and rushing around.  "I gotta be somewhere. Hey, don't look so scared. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."  Kelly knew, without a doubt, that this man was now going to kill her.  He tells her he is going to the kitchen for a drink of water and promises he'll leave after that.  Stay right there.  Don't move.  She assures him she will, but then follows him stealthily from the room.  He pauses to increase the volume on the stereo and continues into the kitchen.  Kelly does not follow him there.  She turns right and walks through her living room, hearing the man going through kitchen drawers.  She slips out of her apartment and into the apartment across the hall, knowing it would be unlocked.  Kelly survived the ordeal, though she wasn't meant to. 

We can learn from Kelly several things about intuition and preincident indicators.  "We get a signal prior to violence," Gavin says. "There are preincident indicators. Things that happen before violence occurs."  [PINS (preincident indicators) will be explored further in future posts.]  The very first spark of intuition that Kelly received was a profound dislike of a man's voice.  With her conscious mind, she had no reason to hate a voice, but her subconscious mind had picked up on ques that put her on edge.  In this case, she knew she had latched the door to her apartment building behind her, yet here was this man she had not seen on her way up the stairs.  The door had also been open when she arrived, so he must have been there before her, waiting. 

After allowing the man to carry up her groceries, she still had a feeling of unease.  Intuition was poking in again, warning her that something was off.  In this case, she knows her neighbors on the fourth floor and had never seen this man before.  She hadn't reasoned through that, but her intuition had done the work for her.  Instead of listening, she scolds herself and continues to put herself at the mercy of a rapist.  Finally, she allows him inside, despite her hesitation (a sign of intuition).  By allowing him to move her to a more private venue, she becomes a victim of a terrible crime.

But that isn't the end of the story, is it?  After her intuition has been proved correct, and the intentions of the man were made clear, she escaped.  She got herself into a terrible situation by ignoring intuition, and got herself back out of it by listening when it came to call again.  She followed her instincts, her intuition, her true fear, and followed the man from the bedroom, gaining safety in a neighbor's apartment.  Intuition told her what would happen, and before her logical mind could process it, she escaped. 

Part of her registered first the shutting of the window.  The three hour ordeal had occurred with the window open.  Why close it now?  The same reason the man stopped to turn up the volume on the stereo.  He was concerned about noise.  If it were truly over, and he were leaving in peace as he promised, those wouldn't have been a details he attended to.  Kelly's mind put a red flag on the window closing and gave her the energy and will power to escape with her life.  The man proved that intuition correct too by digging through the drawers in her kitchen.  His last victim had been stabbed to death.

"You're in a hallway waiting for an elevator late at night. Elevator door opens, and there's a guy inside, and he makes you afraid. You don't know why, you don't know what it is. Some memory of this building—whatever it may be. And many women will stand there and look at that guy and say, 'Oh, I don't want to think like that. I don't want to be the kind of person who lets the door close in his face. I've got to be nice. I don't want him to think I'm not nice.' And so human beings will get into a steel soundproof chamber with someone they're afraid of, and there's not another animal in nature that would even consider it."~Gavin De Becker

 

 Becker calls this list the "Messengers of Intuition"

• Apprehension
• Anxiety
• Curiosity
• Doubt
• Fear
• Gut Feelings
• Hesitation
• Hunches
• Humor
• Nagging Feelings
• Persistent Thoughts
• Suspicion
• Wonder

If you feel any of these, it's worth another listen.  As Becker says, intuition is always in response to something, and always has your best interests at heart.  Until next Friday then.  Stay safe.  Stay smart.

Keeping Children Safe From People Who Target Kids

This was a post I did for The Case of The Missing Cheerios (thecaseofthemissingcheerios.blogspot.com).  It overlaps, so I'm sharing it here.

I’d like to talk a bit about keeping children safe from people who aim to harm them. 

It’s every parent’s nightmare:  your precious child coming to harm.  There are so many things that can happen to kids that we start preparing for their safety before they are even born.  Before they are even conceived!  Every day, we hear on the news about another abduction, bullying episode that went to far, or sexual assault.  Like all animals, human predators tend to pick off the weakest and least capable of a population.  Unfortunately, that often means children.  But our kids don’t have to be unprepared for the realities of life.  We can prepare them to defend and protect themselves without terrifying them, and maybe we’ll even sleep better at night because of it.

Strangers

Parents are constantly telling their kids not to talk to strangers.  Maybe you’ve created that rule in your own household.  It’s very important to have some variation on the rule, but there are some vital pieces missing if all you tell your kids is ‘beware of strangers.’  Firstly, did you define strangers for your kids?  Predators can get around ‘someone you don’t know’.  All they have to do is tell your child their name and they are in.  They are no longer a stranger.  Instead, I like the definition of a stranger being anyone mommy and daddy haven’t met.  Teach your kids to not give personal information to strangers, instead of instructing them to be completely mute.  But make sure they know that secrets aren’t okay.  If an adult asks them to keep a secret from you, they should immediately spill the beans.  Maybe that means you find out what you’re getting for your birthday from your husband or your mother, but that’s a small price to pay for what could happen otherwise.

Secondly, teach them that not all strangers are bad.  What about the sweet old lady standing behind you at the check out counter?  Maybe she’s an axe murderer, sure, but chances are she just misses having babies around to love on.  There’s no reason for your child to scream, “I DON’T KNOW YOU!  GET AWAY FROM ME!”  If your child is with mommy and daddy, it is safe to talk to strangers, but still not okay to give out personal information. 

Thirdly, if your child is ever scared, in danger, or lost, a stranger can help.  Teach your kids that safe strangers can help them.  A safe stranger is somebody like a mommy, a police officer, waitress, mail carrier, store clerk, etc.  Teaching your kids which strangers are okay to talk to creates a less scary scenario for your child should they ever need assistance when you are not immediately at hand.

Possibly most important of all, if your child doesn’t feel right about a person, tell them that instinct is extremely important!  If they get a bad or scary vibe off of someone, they should get away as quickly as they can and find help.  Most times, people instinctively know when danger is at hand.  Most victims report having felt ill at ease prior to being attacked.

Phone Safety

• With young kids, my advice honestly is to not allow them to answer the telephone at all.  If you do allow your kids to answer the telly, teach kids to hang up if the caller makes them uncomfortable and to tell mom and dad about the call.  If he or she is home alone, teach them to call someone like grandma and let her know what just happened.  If asked for mom or dad and the parents aren’t present, the child should say they are busy and ask the caller to call back later.  Kids rarely take good messages anyway.  Same rules for texting.

• Teach kids how to call 911 and what it is used for, and consider getting your child a cell phone that at the very least dials 911 for emergency use.

Phones aren’t the only mediums for predators.  Consider internet chat rooms and social media sites, email, instant messengers, and pretty much any website they have access to.  Predators could be (and most likely are) lurking in all of these places.

Preventing Abduction…or Worse.

• Teach children a family password for after school or practice pick-up times, and change it weekly or monthly.  Practice it even when it’s just mom and dad.  Make sure grandparents and other trusted carpool parents know the password.  Kids love to ask “What’s the password?”  If someone shows up claiming dad sent them to pick Jimmy up, but he doesn’t know the password, Jimmy will know to run to his teacher or coach and let them know what’s going on.

• Kids should know to hold on to their bicycles if someone tries to remove them from it and to scream as loudly as they can.  Kids are easy enough to toss in the back of a vehicle without anyone noticing.  A screaming kid attached to a bike?  Not so much. 

• Kids (and adults, really) should avoid walking or biking anywhere at night.  Have your kid travel with other kids.  Numbers = safety.  KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILD IS AT ALL TIMES!  Also know what route your child takes to and from each location he visits.  Teach him to avoid isolated areas, such as alleys, parking lots, backyards, or wooded areas.  If someone does approach your kid, teach your kid to run around a parked car and yell for help.

• Consider teaching children some basic blocks, strikes, and escapes from grabs.  At the very least, your child should know that if someone is trying to force him to go somewhere with them or do something that doesn’t feel right, he has the right to say no forcefully.  If saying no doesn’t work, he should know that biting, scratching, eye gouging, and groin striking are acceptable ways to get away and find help.  Above all, he should know that making a lot of noise draws attention that could help him get away and be safe.

  
I hope this has given you the courage to prepare your child for the worst while praying for the best.  It's never too early to begin.


For further reading, this is a great website that talks about bullying prevention, abuse prevention, and stranger safety http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/safe-without-scared/

Awareness

I told you that I would take you along with me on my journey.  We're kicking it off with discussing ways to keep oneself safe.

Awareness is the second most important thing in the list of ways to keep yourself safe (most important item to be discussed in full next week).  Self defense starts way before a man pulls a knife on you.  It begins with what you notice and what you do not notice as you go about your day to day.  For example, the man walking with his eyes closed and hands over his ears is far more likely to walk in front of a car and become a victim than a man who is using the gifts God gave him:  ears and eyes.  Distractions can be costly.  The cost can be your life.

Over the past few years, there has been a constant stream of messages passing through the media about texting while driving.  Don't text and drive!  A text isn't worth your life!  While I agree with those messages, I think they aren't taking the message far enough.  From a self defense standpoint, the trouble isn't just texting.  The problem is cell phones.  I have nothing against cell phones.  They are convenient and a blessing to have in an emergency.  I have a problem with the apparent addiction to using one's phone.  Everywhere I go I see people on their phones.  They can't do their grocery shopping, drive to work, or even use the bathroom without constantly being tuned in to social media.  People in the same room feel like they have to text back and forth.  If they used even 1% of that awareness and applied it to their personal safety, I wonder how many attacks could be prevented.

If you are wandering out to your car after work and texting your boyfriend, are you going to notice the van parked next to your vehicle, even if it is the only other vehicle in the parking lot?  Probably not.  You probably won't, because just like the man walking around with his eyes and ears covered, you have neglected God's gifts to you by distracting yourself at a time when being vigilant is important.

Cell phones aren't the only cause of this, of course.  In the 80s, it was the Walkman.  Women were warned not to walk or jog alone with headphones.  Again, negligence of one of God's gifts (hearing) was causing women to become easy prey to predators in the parks and paths.  MP3 players still present an issue today.  A rough day at work or a breakup can also cause you to be more careless and distracted. 

What can you do to keep yourself safe?  Identify times when you need to be more vigilant and go out of your way to be more aware during those times.  If possible, finish your errands during daylight hours.  Don't sit in your parked car, doing things such as applying makeup or balancing your checkbook.  If you must walk or jog with music, consider only putting one earpiece in, or jogging with a partner.  The buddy system is never a bad idea when it comes to keeping oneself safe (think bars, nighttime errands, or exercise).  Don't be afraid to trust your gut.  If your intuition is screeching that something isn't right, but you can't locate the source, FOLLOW YOUR GUT!  Your subconscious mind likely picked up on cues that your conscious mind missed and identified the hazard faster than your logical mind could manage.  Making a choice against your gut under these circumstances could literally be life and death.

 I hope you find yourself seeing things a little more clearly.  Until next time, be safe and be aware.
Love,
Heather.

What It's All About

This blog draws it's name and address from two quotes.

The first is a quote from Oprah:  "It doesn't matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always. "  This blog is going to be about taking responsibility for your personal safety and the safety of those in your immediate care.  I felt Oprah's quote had a good point.  You have to make up your own mind how to think and feel.  If you don't make a decision to care about your personal safety, who is going to make that decision for you?

The second is a quote from Roseanne Barr:  "The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it."  I totally agree.  I hope to explain in future posts what significance I believe this has in more detail, but suffice it to say for now that a pushy guy will not allow you the opportunity to say no.  You must drag up the power from your own reserves and claim the right to say no.

Disclaimer:  I am not an expert.  I'm studying from multiple resources to one day become a women's self defense instructor.  I am, however, very passionate about spreading information about personal safety and awareness to the world, especially as it relates to women and children.  I'll do my best in these weekly posts to leave you with food for thought, teach you something new, encourage you, and blow a myth or two in the process.  I am not responsible for any injuries to persons and/or properties as a result of these posts.  Feel free to ask questions or request topics any time. 

“It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey - See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.Cgsf5BbX.dpuf

“It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey - See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.Cgsf5BbX.dpuf

“It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey - See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.Cgsf5BbX.dpuf