Farewell

I just wanted to let any eager readers know that I am no longer updating this blog.  When I created it, I have every intention of training to be a self-defense instructor.  While I am still pro-safety and all about women protecting themselves, I now have aspirations to be a novelist.  If you would like to follow a detailing life stories, rants, and what not that I currently operate, check out http://thecaseofthemissingcheerios.blogspot.com/2014/09/farewell.html

If you would like further self defense info, check out these:
http://www.kicks4women.com/thesis.shtml

http://www.defenduniversity.com/become-certified/

http://www.nwmaf.org/

http://www.impactsafety.org/

http://www.impactchicago.org/

http://afcselfdefense.com/

http://www.forensicsciencetechnician.org/the-top-50-self-defense-blogs/


As always, be aware, be safe, and take care. 

Car Safety

This very morning on facebook, I read the following:

“ALERT! READ! Especially ladies. This happened to my mothers friend in Hamilton county this week. Not a fb story but true!
Friend of moms driving down 106th in an area not really populated. See a guy at the side of the road and as she Slows and drives by him he yells "dog!" Couple of times. Leading her to believe he's looking for his lost dog. Not much farther down the road another man runs up to the road from a small cluster of trees in a field. Waves at her and yells "dog". Acts like he's out of breath as he approaches her car. She did stop but thankfully kept her car in drive and only cracked her window less than half way. He approaches and leans on her passenger door like he's trying to get his breath. Says looking for his little dog but mid sentence and as soon as he is close enough, tries to reach in and open the door! Now luckily her locks do not unlock until the car is in park and she sped off (to hell with his arm!) She drove straight to the gas station and called police. Sheriff came out and told her this isn't the first time he heard this story recently! He said the first guy yells dog to alert the second guy it's a lone female driver!
This is not a rumor or tall tale. I know this woman.
Being an animal lover I would have probably been dumb enough to fall for this and just want to pass the info along.
Thanks!”

The grammar might not be the best, but the message is clear.  Two men are setting a trap for lone female drivers, playing on the instinctual tenderness of the women to get them into a vulnerable position and make them a target.  This is the kind of story that would rattle the news stations and scare the community but here’s the truth:

It happens all the time.

Let’s talk a little bit about how to protect yourself from becoming a victim in this way.  The first thing you need to know is that your car is not impenetrable.  It is not a fortress, but it does offer a layer of protection between you and a potential attacker.  Your attacker has to get through the car first to get to you.  While that is not impossible, your attacker must take some time to do so.  While they are getting into your car, you have a few extra critical seconds to react and make decisions on what you will do.  That being said, if you haven’t locked your door and your windows are down, your advantage is gone.  Notice that the story tells that the woman hardly cracked her window and was able to drive away.  If she had put her car in park or rolled the window all the way down, who knows what would have happened?  Something unpleasant no doubt.  While you are driving, use your a/c rather than keeping the windows down.  This is especially important when your car is stationary (red light, traffic jam, parking lot).  Lock your doors, whether you are in your vehicle or not.

The next thing you need to know is that you do not have to be a good Samaritan.  Just like the men in the story, predators are looking for someone to fall for what they say.  The post from facebook read “Being an animal lover I would have probably been dumb enough to fall for this and just want to pass the info along.”  It could just as easily have been a lost child, a need for directions to some place, or a flat tire.  I assume you’ve heard of Ted Bundy?  He approached his victims in public places walking with a cane or limp.  He pretended to need help putting something into his vehicle or getting into it.  When the women tried to help, he overpowered, assaulted, and ultimately killed them at a secondary location. 

Also note that there are plenty of predators willing to attack several women together or even attack a man.  They aren’t always opposed to teaming up with other predators to get whatever it is they want.  If you stop for someone, you risk them harming you.  It’s as simple as that.  Someone approaching your car will ALWAYS want something from you.  You need to assume that what they want is more than you are willing to pay.  And because I know that you would feel bad driving past someone that looks like they need car help, I’ll give you this nugget of advice:  pick up your cell phone, phone the police, and tell them where this person is and what kind of help it looked like they needed.  You’ve done your part and kept yourself (and maybe even others) safe.  In fact, unless you know a ton about cars, you probably couldn’t have helped a whole lot at any rate. (For the record, this does not apply to women in need.  Statistically, most violent crimes are committed by men.  Fact of life.)

Those are my only suggestions to keep you safe in a situation like the one above, but there are a few more suggestions that could apply to other situations.

• Draw attention to yourself.  Screaming and laying on your horn are both effective ways to do this.  Obviously your horn isn’t going to fight off an attacker, but it might be a deterrent.  He likely doesn’t want company.
• If someone gets in your car and tells you to drive, get out of your car and make a run for it.  If he’s telling you to drive, it means where you currently are located is not a good place for him to commit his crime.  He wants to take you to a secondary location, which you should never never NEVER allow yourself to be taken to!  He isn’t likely to chase you when you run for fear of drawing attention to himself.  And forget the car!  It isn't worth your life.
• Don’t sit in your car to balance your checkbook, touch up your face, or make a telephone call.  If you are in your car and your car is stationary, you could become a target.
• Do not allow a strange man to help you with your groceries.  Unless he works at the grocery, don’t let him take bags out to your car.  Certainly never accept help from a man that approaches you in a parking garage or outside your home or apartment building.  If you must get assistance, ask another woman or at least pick a man not volunteering his services.  The odds of you picking a serial rapist at random are very slim.  The odds that the strange man that approached you and offered to lend a hand is a rapist are considerably higher.
• If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger side.  This decreases your risk for abduction.
• Park under a streetlight if you are out at night or if it will be dark when you leave.  It's another deterrent and not fool proof.
• Have your keys ready in your hand when you get to your car.  Get in and immediately lock the doors.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for an escort out to your vehicle if it is dark or you feel uncomfortable.  Mall security guards would be happy to do that for you, or even an employee from a store you just left. 
• Most importantly, PAY ATTENTION TO INTUITION AND BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS! 

Until next time, folks.  Be smart.  Be safe.

Survive the Unthinkable: A Total Guide to Women's Self-Protection~a book review

The following is a book review.  

Tim Larkin is a well known name to self defense.  He’s a behind-the-scenes name, in that he teaches groups like the U.S. Border Patrol and the Navy Seals.  I was pretty excited to read this book, but I was disappointed.  On the cover, it claims it is a total guide to women’s self-protection.  It’s less than 200 pages.  How complete could it be?  I’m offended that you can call something a total guide when there are so many facets of self defense to think about. 

Disregarding the obvious title failure, Larkin gives the reader some things to think about.  He teaches you to think like a predator, causing you to realize that sometimes self defense isn’t enough.  Sometimes you are the one who needs to make the first strike.  Larkin addresses concerns that many women have about defending themselves, such as aversion to causing harm to another human being.  He points out that that is exactly what makes you human, but your aversion is your weakness and exactly what your attacker is counting on.  Taking that approach is playing right into his hand.  He also presses that the most important and useful tool a woman can have is her own brain.  That, my friends, is a truth that too many women overlook.  That being said, he turns around and then pretty much says, “Use your brain.  And now you’re set!  Go live your life!”

I don’t recommend this book to the novice (maybe a paragraph or two would be truly useful to newbies), unless you have an interest in psychology.  The section that teaches actual physical self defense is all of about two pages long.  Like I said…not a complete guide.

If you are interested in teaching self defense, I would definitely recommend reading this.  If for no other reason, Larkin has a no bullshit attitude about violence.  He lays down the facts without caring what you are going to think about them. 

I have a recommended reading section in the left column of this blog.  Notice that Larkin’s book didn’t make the cut. 

Until next time, folks.  Be safe.  Be smart.

React Mobile's new Follow Me feature~priddymomma

React Mobile has a new Follow Me feature for Smartphone users.  You can send an S.O.S. signal to a preselected group of friends, family, and authorities with a single touch in the case of emergency, tracing your GPS location instantly.  You can also send an alert to friends and family if you are going somewhere and are concerned for your safety, but it isn’t a definite that you will be in danger (i.e. going on a jog alone).  These contacts can follow your real time GPS and make sure you are headed home when you are supposed to be.  When you get to your destination, you click “I’M SAFE” and it lets your contacts know you are well.  It also allows you to report emergencies and criminal activity.

I am all for making safety convenient, but if you are a regular reader, you’ll recall that I mentioned personal alarms and my hesitation to promote them.  On the one hand, drawing attention to yourself lessens the likelihood of your attacker sticking around and increases the likelihood of help arriving.  On the other hand, you are still being attacked.  It doesn’t turn into a big vicious dog with the push of the button.  It is still your primary responsibility to know how to protect yourself.  This is my fear with this React Mobile app.  Yes, this is an amazing technology that has huge potential to protect and maybe even save lives, but I want women to take their safety seriously and not rely on their phones so much.  In a real emergency where a woman is actively being attacked, what are the odds that she will have time to push this button?  It requires a level of prediction that is impossible.  If you know you are about to be attacked when you walk down the next street, wouldn’t it be smarter to take another street?  If you feel intuition poking you in the back about a situation, get out of it!  Intuition is your built in personal app!

Another issue I have with the app is the maybe-I’ll-be-in-danger part.  If you are going on a jog alone, send out a message to friends and family so they can track your GPS.  If you aren’t where you should be, they’ll alert authorities.  Read the fine print here.  If you get kidnapped, they will be able to tell that you were taken from the location you were supposed to be in, assuming they are watching their phone, and your kidnapper hasn’t tossed it some place.  If you are attacked or you fall and are hurt, your friends and family will only be able to tell you aren’t moving anymore.  How can they tell the difference between you fighting for your life and you taking a breather?  There’s some assumed follow up with a phone call or text, I guess.  And if you make an error and forget to let them know you are safe, you’ve freaked them out for no reason.  Forget more than once and the app is useless.  They’ll just assume you forgot again if you go off grid.

So as near as I can figure, this is only really useful if you are kidnapped and your kidnapper didn’t toss the phone.  In this case, which is rare might I add, the authorities will be able to find your phone.  They can’t protect you, however, until they get there.  Again, this is still your responsibility!  If you don’t take it seriously, then the app is just going to track down your body. 

In the pictures advertising this app, the women are jogging and wearing headphones, or walking alone at night.  Awareness saves lives!  If you could hear your attacker coming, you stand a better chance of surviving.  Period.  If you use the buddy system instead of walking anywhere alone (or exercising by yourself), especially at night, you are less likely to become a victim.  Period.

This is really rough for me to draw a finite line on, but I’ll give it a shot.  If you are going to be lazy about your safety, this is a great app to have.  If you want to truly be safe, be smart about where and when you travel, and with whom you do your traveling.  Always be aware of your surroundings.  And NEVER ignore your intuition. 

Until next time, be safe.  Be smart.

PINS (pre-incident indicators)

Sorry for the hiatus.  Life got a little complicated for a couple weeks.  I'm back now and ready to give you the info on PINS (pre-incident indicators).

In my post, Intuition, I share a story from Gavin De Becker's book "The Gift of Fear."  In the story, a woman named Kelly ignores her intuition and nearly dies at the hands of a serial rapist because of it.  Read that post if you haven't already (or again to get it fresh in your mind).  I'm going to walk you through step by step to talk about each of the pre-incident indicators in the story.

 "We get a signal prior to violence," Gavin says. "There are preincident indicators. Things that happen before violence occurs."  

The first sign Kelly receives is minor but important.  She dislikes the man's voice.  Intuition was sending out a signal that something wasn't quite right.  In this case, as you recall, the man had been waiting in the apartment building before Kelly entered.  Her intuition was reminding her that she latched the door behind when she came inside.  Distrust him! 

Next, the man offers to carry up her groceries.  This is loan sharking, a PIN.  If she gives in and allows him to carry her groceries, she will feel she owes him a debt, so to speak.  He will collect in any way he sees fit.

She refuses more than once, but he continues to insist that she allow him to carry them up.  Discounting the word no is another pre-incident indicator.  He claims he is also going up to the fourth floor and is running late due to a broken watch.  Too many details.  Another PIN.

He implies that she is being too proud.  Typecasting, a PIN in which the man tries a slight insult with the hope that his victim will wish to prove it inaccurate.  Kind of like reverse psychology.  In this case, it works.  She allows him to carry the groceries so that she won't come across as proud and/or rude.

"We better hurry," he says, "We've got a hungry cat up there!"  This is a PIN called forced teaming.  He says "we", as if they were in the experience together.  This makes it harder for the victim to call the shots because now they perceive themselves as part of a team.

She's still feeling apprehensive of the man, but she shakes it off and scolds herself.  He's so nice!  And he's only trying to help.  Wrong.  He's a charmer.  He is attempting to charm in order to control her actions and force her guard down.  Charm and niceness are two other PINS. 

After arriving at her apartment, she thanks him and tries to take the groceries from him, but again he refuses to hear the word no.  She hesitates (a messenger of intuition).  "Hey, we can leave the door open like ladies do in old movies. I'll just put this stuff down and go. I promise."  The unsolicited promise is yet another PIN, and no actual guarantee he'll do as he said, as Kelly learned the hard way. 

It's worth noting that each of the PINS mentioned in this post occur in every day life without sinister intent.  But when the gut feelings and other messengers of intuition begin to stack up along with PINS, get out of there fast!

Pre-incident Indicators (PINS):

•  Discounting the Word No- probably the most obvious PIN.  An average every day Joe will back off when you firmly tell them no, maybe even raising your voice to make it clear you mean business.  They might go away thinking you are rude and strange, but they will back off.  A predator will not.  No means no every single time.
• Too Many Details- people feel the need to provide a lot of details when they are not telling the truth.  Even if what they are saying sounds believable to you, it doesn't sound believable to them, so they keep talking to convince you.
• Loan Sharking- gladly lends one amount, but cruelly collects much more
• Typecasting- when a slight insult is thrown out with the hope that the victim will want to prove it isn't true.
• Forced Teaming- the projection of a shared experience or purpose where none exists
• Charm and Niceness- charm and niceness are used to control you
• The Unsolicited Promise- used to convince victim of intention.  Words aren't a guarantee. 

Until next time, stay safe!

College Student Safety

I’m very concerned by the lack of personal safety information for college students.  In a recent search, I found dozens of products meant to make a lot of noise to prevent burglary or personal assault.  While these options are nice to have as a last resort and to get the attention of potential witnesses to a crime, they are not always effective at preventing the crime itself.  That simple personal alarm does not stop a rape or attack from happening.  It merely draws attention to it.  Same goes for dorm or apartment alarms.  Your belongings might still get lifted, regardless of how loud the alarm is or who saw the theft occur.  While there are plenty of products on the market, I’m going to avoid suggesting you purchase any of them.  If they will make you feel safer, fine, but realize that that safety is an illusion.  That personal alarm will not turn into an attack dog the moment you push it.  And like all technology, it is fallible.  Personally, I’d go with the old standby of just screaming.  You can also consider using a whistle.  Here are some things to keep in mind to truly keep you safe as you further your education and go about your day-to-day.

·         Many colleges have emergency buttons and/or telephones in obvious places across the campus.  Know where these are and hit one if it’s convenient to do so, but keep in mind that just like the personal alarm, it won’t instantly transport you to safety.  Police will take several minutes to respond.  More importantly, know the area and where any safe public places are (and when they are open) in case of emergency.  Carrying a cell phone with important numbers on speed dial is also a fantastic idea.

·         Use the buddy system.  Walk with a friend wherever you go, particularly at night.  It’s best not to walk at night at all, but in the interest of being realistic, I’m suggesting the buddy system.  It makes you less of a target if there are at least two of you, and that’s an extra brain on your side should things turn foul.  Try to stay in well lit areas when walking, and avoid parking in isolated areas.

·         Use God’s gifts of Awareness and Intuition (see previous posts)

·         Tell someone where you are going and what your schedule is like.  If something does happen, it will be more helpful to search efforts to know the route you had planned to take.  This includes classes, work, and dates!

·         Keep doors and windows locked.  We’re talking car and living quarters.  Sort of obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people ignore basic safety precautions.

·         Take a self defense class.  It is extremely important to know how to deliver effective strikes and to know a good block or two.  Get your friends in on it too.  Oftentimes, university police or another organization on campus or nearby offers a class.

·         Don’t accept drinks from anyone, especially drinks that are not sealed with a cap. 

·         Don’t bother with pepper spray.  Surprised?  Pepper spray is a fantastic product and is an effective defense tool…if used correctly.  Many people have it on their key chain and have no idea how to use it.  Unless you have it open in your hand, in a ready position, it is unlikely an attacker will give you time to dig it out and use it.  As a note, key chain pepper sprays are usually a single use deal as well, so if you miss the first time, you had better have a backup plan!

·         Don’t constantly share where you are or where you plan to be on social media.  Sure, it’s a good idea for someone to know, but do you really feel comfortable with everyone on your friends list knowing where you’ll be tonight? 

Until next time, folks, stay safe.  Stay smart. 

Intuition

If you read my post on awareness, you'll know that I said awareness was the second most important gift you have to yourself safe.  The most important gift is your inner voice, your intuition.  That little voice that tells you something just isn't quite right.  What gives you a crawly feeling on the back of your neck?  Intuition.  That feeling is a gift from God to keep you safe.  It is your first line of defense in a potentially nasty situation. 

Everyone has had a moment where they were certain who was on the other end of an unanswered telephone.  You aren't suddenly psychic, though it might certainly seem that way to an observer.  Maybe you know your mother always calls on Thursdays, or at that time in the afternoon.  Perhaps your sister just got a promotion at work that you heard about and were certain she'd want to share the news, or your cousin is approaching her due date so you know it to be her husband calling to say they had the baby.  Something in your subconscious made the link faster than your logical mind could follow and suddenly you knew who it was.

True fear is a gift that comes straight from intuition.  In my recommended reading column to the left of this blog, I recommend Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear."  In that book, he shares a story about a woman named Kelly who didn't listen to her intuition.  Kelly has groceries and obviously has her hands full.  She heads up the steps to her apartment building, noticing the door had been left open again.  "Stupid neighbors.  That's not safe!  Anyone could just come in!"  As she comes in, she latches the door behind her. 

Kelly heads up the four flights of stairs to her apartment with her heavy burden of groceries.  She doesn't manage to make it all the way up before one of her bags predictably gives out, and cat food cans go rolling everywhere.  A charming man's voice calls that he can bring up a wayward can.  She gets this feeling, this little spark of something telling her that she just does not like this guy's voice.  When the man rounds the corner, he's friendly-looking and is picking up her dropped cans.  He offers to help her carry the groceries up to her apartment.  She refuses multiple times, but he is insistent.  He claims he is also going up to the fourth floor and is running late due to a broken watch.  He implies that she is being too proud, and she finally allows the man to help carry her groceries up to her apartment.  "We better hurry," he says, "We've got a hungry cat up there!" 

She's still feeling apprehensive of the man, but she shakes it off and scolds herself.  He's so nice!  And he's only trying to help.  After arriving at her apartment, she thanks him and tries to take the groceries from him, but he refuses to allow her to take them, instead saying he didn't want her to drop the cans again and he would just sit them inside and be on his way.  She hesitates (who wouldn't?), and she laughs, saying, "Hey, we can leave the door open like ladies do in old movies. I'll just put this stuff down and go. I promise."  She gives in, he doesn't leave, and she becomes his victim. 

After raping her, he gets up from the bed, gets dressed, and closes the window.  He starts glancing at his watch and rushing around.  "I gotta be somewhere. Hey, don't look so scared. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."  Kelly knew, without a doubt, that this man was now going to kill her.  He tells her he is going to the kitchen for a drink of water and promises he'll leave after that.  Stay right there.  Don't move.  She assures him she will, but then follows him stealthily from the room.  He pauses to increase the volume on the stereo and continues into the kitchen.  Kelly does not follow him there.  She turns right and walks through her living room, hearing the man going through kitchen drawers.  She slips out of her apartment and into the apartment across the hall, knowing it would be unlocked.  Kelly survived the ordeal, though she wasn't meant to. 

We can learn from Kelly several things about intuition and preincident indicators.  "We get a signal prior to violence," Gavin says. "There are preincident indicators. Things that happen before violence occurs."  [PINS (preincident indicators) will be explored further in future posts.]  The very first spark of intuition that Kelly received was a profound dislike of a man's voice.  With her conscious mind, she had no reason to hate a voice, but her subconscious mind had picked up on ques that put her on edge.  In this case, she knew she had latched the door to her apartment building behind her, yet here was this man she had not seen on her way up the stairs.  The door had also been open when she arrived, so he must have been there before her, waiting. 

After allowing the man to carry up her groceries, she still had a feeling of unease.  Intuition was poking in again, warning her that something was off.  In this case, she knows her neighbors on the fourth floor and had never seen this man before.  She hadn't reasoned through that, but her intuition had done the work for her.  Instead of listening, she scolds herself and continues to put herself at the mercy of a rapist.  Finally, she allows him inside, despite her hesitation (a sign of intuition).  By allowing him to move her to a more private venue, she becomes a victim of a terrible crime.

But that isn't the end of the story, is it?  After her intuition has been proved correct, and the intentions of the man were made clear, she escaped.  She got herself into a terrible situation by ignoring intuition, and got herself back out of it by listening when it came to call again.  She followed her instincts, her intuition, her true fear, and followed the man from the bedroom, gaining safety in a neighbor's apartment.  Intuition told her what would happen, and before her logical mind could process it, she escaped. 

Part of her registered first the shutting of the window.  The three hour ordeal had occurred with the window open.  Why close it now?  The same reason the man stopped to turn up the volume on the stereo.  He was concerned about noise.  If it were truly over, and he were leaving in peace as he promised, those wouldn't have been a details he attended to.  Kelly's mind put a red flag on the window closing and gave her the energy and will power to escape with her life.  The man proved that intuition correct too by digging through the drawers in her kitchen.  His last victim had been stabbed to death.

"You're in a hallway waiting for an elevator late at night. Elevator door opens, and there's a guy inside, and he makes you afraid. You don't know why, you don't know what it is. Some memory of this building—whatever it may be. And many women will stand there and look at that guy and say, 'Oh, I don't want to think like that. I don't want to be the kind of person who lets the door close in his face. I've got to be nice. I don't want him to think I'm not nice.' And so human beings will get into a steel soundproof chamber with someone they're afraid of, and there's not another animal in nature that would even consider it."~Gavin De Becker

 

 Becker calls this list the "Messengers of Intuition"

• Apprehension
• Anxiety
• Curiosity
• Doubt
• Fear
• Gut Feelings
• Hesitation
• Hunches
• Humor
• Nagging Feelings
• Persistent Thoughts
• Suspicion
• Wonder

If you feel any of these, it's worth another listen.  As Becker says, intuition is always in response to something, and always has your best interests at heart.  Until next Friday then.  Stay safe.  Stay smart.